Thank god he never knew what I was thinking when I was around him. ‘Um, I mean, she left to get her stuff.’ ‘Oh, ok.’ We talked very politely about the weather until Jill showed, her ponytail swinging across her back like a pendulum. ‘Hey again Richie!’ she squealed, and fell into his arms. He gave a little smile. Now tell me that wasn’t a daydream. Jill is not some helpless little girl to fall into some guy’s arms, even his. I followed her ponytail out to his car. I grimaced impatiently while I did my work. Every once in a while I would look up from my laptop and see Jill batting her eyes. They took flirting to marathon heights. I chipped into the conversation every once in a while, but mostly I provided a nice background noise of fingers on keys. ‘Oh,’ I heard her say, ‘and thanks for the lovely present last time.’ ‘You mean the card I gave you? Have you been looking at it?’ (‘Yes,’ she would say. He would pull the car off the highway and onto a closed weigh station and behind some. “And now?” “Now…” Silmaria paused, looking inward, searching and mulling through a confused muddle of feelings she hadn’t even fully sorted out for herself yet. She answered as honestly as she was able. “Now, I just wonder how a man who seems by all measures a good and honorable man could have done something so callous and heartless. How you could be such a reflection of your father in so many ways, yet have so little love for him that you never came to honor him and say goodbye.” There, she’d said it, and said it aloud, and managed to say it without screaming with anger and rage and heartache. And oddly, now that she’d said it, she couldn’t find that knot of rage in her anymore. The silence stretched, then, filled only with the crackle of the fire and the occasional soft hiss of the stitches being drawn through Rael’s flesh to close his wound. “I loved my father, in my way, as he loved me in his,” Rael said at last. The tone of his voice made Silmaria feel that he wasn’t entirely.
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